Goodbye Keith

The weekend was tinged with sadness as my uncle died on the Sunday morning. He hadn't been very well when I visited the previous Wednesday. We had got into the routine of him texting me beforehand to say what he would like for lunch - either chicken wings and fries from KFC or burger and chips from McDonald's. I had found a drive thru for both but they involved slightly different routes. This week he asked only for a strawberry milkshake from McDonald's. When I got to the drive thru they said the machine wasn't ready yet and wouldn't be ready for another hour. I decided to leave it as it seemed a lot of fuss for a milkshake, but then I thought it through and realised that it was so unusual that he must really be looking forward to it. I was lucky enough to spot a parking space right opposite the McDonald's in Finchley, so I was able to get him one there and I am so glad that I did as he really enjoyed it. I also made him a cup of tea after I had been to Sainsbury for him, and he drank it with huge enjoyment and said how it always tastes better when someone else has made it (it turned out later that he was actually dehydrated). I didn't like to leave him as he was having some pain in his leg and didn't look very well, but he assured me he was alright and that there was nothing wrong with his leg. The next day the carer phoned me to say that he had called the paramedics and that they were taking him to Barnet General hospital with high heart rate and low blood pressure.

I phoned Barnet General twice that day, at 6 pm and 9 pm, and all they could say was that he was in A&E. I phoned the next day and was told he had been discharged! I couldn't raise him on his landline or mobile and in the end got someone sensible at Barnet General who told me he had been transferred to the Royal Free. They said he was in theatre under the Vascular Surgery team and that he would be in ward 7 West when he came out. I rang the ward in the evening but he hadn't arrived - but then a little bit later he rang me. He couldn't speak very well because he had a dry mouth, but he told me he had been in theatre and that he had to have another operation. He then asked if I could come over - and regrettably I said I couldn't come as I was going away for the weekend but that I would come first thing on Monday morning. I thought he would be having another operation and that he wouldn't be up to visitors until after the weekend anyway. I am so sorry now that I didn't go over on the Friday evening - I could easily have missed ringing.

On the Saturday morning the doctor rang me to say that she had spoken to Keith to tell him that they had found more clots and arterial disease in his stump, and that he would have to have his leg amputated much higher up. Keith had refused the operation, stating that he had no quality of life now he was housebound and just watched TV all day, and that all his friends had died and he just wanted to be allowed to die and go and join them. He was adamant that I was not to cut short my holiday - so typical of him. I said I would be there first thing on Monday morning but she advised that he might not last until then. It all seemed so sudden. When I got to the hotel on the Saturday afternoon I texted him to see if I could ring him, but got no response. I texted "night night" when I went to bed at midnight, and almost immediately got a phone call from the hospital to say that they were calling a doctor to give him extra medication to help him sleep. I asked the nurse to give him my love. The next morning at 9 am, while I was sitting in the car waiting for Mike to ring his QP, the doctor rang me to say Keith had passed away.

I went over to the house on Monday and turned the heating off, threw away the food from the fridge and started gathering together all the paperwork I could find. It seemed very strange for him not to be there and for me to be going through all his things. I was amazed to find a newspaper with a photo showing my Nan and Grandad Marshall celebrating VE Day with the neighbours in Trevor Close (they are at the back - far left).

The next day I went to the Royal Free to pick up his personal effects and the certificates. The first thing they gave me was his prosthetic leg and I had visions of trying to get home on the tube with it, but luckily they offered to get rid of it for me. On the Wednesday it was off to Camden Town Hall to register the death - there was some hold up while the Registrar contacted the doctor at the hospital over something they had written on the certificate. Then when she printed off the draft death certificate she had put him down as "female"! Luckily I spotted that before she produced the final copies.

The next week I went back to the house to coincide with an appointment at the funeral directors in the village. They were very nice and efficient. I ploughed through the paperwork all week, throwing away the credit card statements which went back to 1999!

The funeral was on Thursday 9th March. I prepared an order of service and found two nice photos to go on the front and back (see below). John came down the previous evening and I went to Euston to meet him and come back on the tube with him. We went to Lara for a nice meal and then caught the 272 bus back home. The weather was lovely for the funeral and it all went very well. Father Simon took the service, and the organist provided by the crem turned out to be someone we had sung choral evensong with at St Nick's a few years ago. He played Faure Requiem before the service and Dream of Gerontius afterwards - both of which met with my full approval. There were just the 7 of us present - Me, Mike, Carolyn, John, Lorraine, Leanne and Ollie. The vicar and the organist joined in lustily with the hymns so it didn't sound too thin! John did the reading and the vicar gave an excellent homily (with a thought provoking analogy to a ship sailing over the horizon and carrying on its journey even though it couldn't be seen) and read the eulogy which I had prepared, with the help of Bob, Keith's friend. Afterwards Ollie laid a card he had written on the flowers and I put an order of service there and a card which had been sent from one of Keith's bingo friends. Then we all went to the Hare and Hounds for lunch.

Bye Keith - I will miss our Wednesday visits.